by Nicole Epstein
published March 21, 2018
I believe that no matter what happens, promises are made to be kept.
I was sitting in the hallway of a nursing home in Melrose, Massachusetts with tears streaming down my face. The anger and disappointment I felt building up for days were finally releasing. My only hope in life was no longer a reality. I had just gotten my license and only had 6 more months until I could drive to Massachusetts to visit my Nana and take her out on an adventure. Yet this adventure seem almost intangible now.
In third grade, I wrote my Nana a letter. I told her that I would drive down to her house, and pick her up so we could go out on an adventure. I just never knew how much of an adventure it would be. During the years growing up we always talked about this promise. We had many, many ideas for where we would go or what we would do. We had fantasized about going to the mall, to the beach, to the slushie place down the street from her house, and on swan boats. In every card, every note, or every voicemail I left her there was some comment made about our plans or how many days were left until our adventure would be complete. That was until the day we got the call.
I remember getting the call from my Auntie MaryJean. We were on our way back home from Washington, DC and I was sitting in the back taking pictures with all the city geotags on Snapchat. I was looking at my mom's face through the mirror. It was getting pale and her voice was cracking. The only thing I heard was a slight whisper, "Are you sure?" and then following that an even quieter response of, "We're on the way."
My mom turned around. She seemed like she was in a panic now.
"Mom," I whispered. "Where are we going?"
She responded with a crackling voice, "Sweetie, we are heading to Mass General, please call your father and let him know."
I put my headphones back in and looked out the window. While the tears started streaming down my face I scrolled through my phone, clicking my dad's name. Ring, ring, ring... He answered, "Hi Coley, are you almost home?"
Quietly I replied, "No daddy, we are on the way to Mass General. I think something is wrong with Nana."
"All you can do is pray my sweet child, but your sister and I will leave now and meet you there."
As I reminisced about all this it made me cry more and more, knowing that my best friend was going to leave me soon and there was nothing I could do about it. My Nana was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer and she immediately said no to chemotherapy or radiation. In her opinion it would only prolong an "unreal" life. The question constantly running through my mind was how to I make her life so real now when she has no hope. The only thing I could think about was our promise. She was made to do physical therapy to get her strength back. I would visit every day I could and I could see her strength getting there, but the hope wasn't in her eyes. While doing my homework one day I caught her gazing over at me. I wondered if she was thinking what I was thinking. This is the first month that had gone by in which we hadn't talked once about our promise.
Her health slowly deteriorated and she was moved to in-home hospice. Everyone in our family was volunteering their time to take care of her. We all had many conversations with her about it being okay to "let go" and "be free". She didn't need to fight anymore. Even I had to tell her this, while my heart broke in half, knowing I wouldn't see my best friend for awhile. Yet she pushed through day after day, week after week. Then one day I came down with my mom, dad and Auntie MaryJean. We overheard a soft whisper from the bedroom.
"Ride..," I listened closely. "I want my ride."
My Aunt MaryJean looked at me and smiled.
"We are going for a ride."