Forgiveness

Forgive and forget: two words that are nearly always paired together. Oftentimes, they’re even viewed as being connected; in order to forgive, we have to forget. Forgiveness is essential to maintaining relationships, as we all have messed up at some point and will mess up again. When forgiving and being forgiven, we learn valuable lessons about ourselves, others, and the world around us. It allows us to let go of things that harmed us but be wiser from it. That being said, I believe that forgiveness can live on its own without any connection to forgetting. To me, forgiveness is accepting that everyone makes mistakes and that we are capable of change, as well as allowing ourselves to let things go without losing the knowledge gained. Forgiveness is a type of gift as well as a way to communicate with others. The literal definition of forgiveness, from the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is to stop feeling negatively toward someone for something one did. As I stated previously, everyone has done something we probably shouldn’t have, which caused pain and mistrust in another. The pain can be physical or mental, but either way, it results in someone feeling slighted, underappreciated, and generally hurt. A wound can oftentimes be resolved with something as simple as an apology, but sometimes hard work and grand gestures are necessary to show that a change has been made. Without change, we could never gain forgiveness as there is no proof that the slight will not be repeated. Forgiveness is ultimately giving back trust that was lost when we behaved poorly and showed that we were not deserving of it. It is a gift given to those of us who have shown we are deserving of it, which requires remembering the fault that occurred. Forgiveness allows us to show that while we were hurt, we recognize the change that has occurred and the fact that it will not happen again. That makes it clear that forgetting is not necessary in order for forgiveness to occur. 

Often, it’s counterproductive because we can be completely sure that the change shown is permanent. If we forget what caused us pain in the past, then we lose the growth we gained when experiencing and overcoming that difficulty. It also results in us not noticing the signs of another, similar fault to the one we were negatively affected by before; however, if we don’t forget, then we can avoid reopening the wound and communicate before the issue arises. Though, in some cases, the action will never be repeated by the offending party, it is still good to remember as it allows us to avoid performing the mistake ourselves. I’m aware that forgetting is sometimes necessary in order to allow forgiveness to occur, but I caution against forgiving if that’s the case. If someone does something that is so incredibly terrible that we must forget it happening in order to have a person back in our life, we don’t want them back. That person will take forgetting as an invitation to repeat their previous misdoing as they believe we will always forgive them. Forgiveness is a choice that one can make, but it should be taken heavily as it is the difference between repetitive pain and happiness. I believe that one should nearly always forgive, but should never forget.